Disrespect the game

Disrespect the game and the game will disrespect you.

I have officially been cut from every team that I was interested in playing with.  Moral of the story, cramming doesn't work.  I didn't work out at all from January 21 through April 18th.  I put in about 3 weeks of exercise and I showed up to tryouts completely incapable of catching anyone's eye.  I should add that during those 3 weeks of exercise I did not take a thoughtful or structured approach to training, plot twist this doesn't work.

Do I feel humbled?

No, I knew I wasn't prepared.  I knew that I had disrespected the game.  I thought that I had no chance at Drag'N and a dice roll at MSP and Bird.  1/36 chance of making both, 25/36 chance of making neither.  In the end, the odds stacked against me.  

What now?

I don't know.  If I take another summer off I doubt I will ever be able to make a team ever again.  I took last summer off for a purpose, but I always thought I'd be able to get back into the game and enjoy several more years of playing strong.  Taking this summer off with no reason will likely mean my death knell.

That being said, am I afraid of my death knell?  Do I care to make a team?  Can I be content with work and social activities?  Should I embrace the end and leave the game where it is?

I'm 27.  

Does that matter?  Am I at an age where even if I put in the work I won't be able to get the returns necessary to make the squad.  Does that matter?  Is trying in and of itself rewarding enough?  Where even if next year turns and I still can't crack it, at least the journey would have been enjoyable?

I could play league.  I don't want to play league, that sounds really bad.

Internal v. External Motivation

I believe that is impossible for an external force to spark true internal motivation.  No pump up speech from a coach, no buddy that works out with you, no hype video can spark a genuine internal motivation.

Have you ever watched a highlight video that makes you hunger to improve?  A minute into the video you're telling yourself you're going to overhaul your entire workout strategy.  Two minutes in your planning to workout 4 days a week and throw 7 days a week.  After the third-minute, you're setting your alarm for 5 am so that you can hit it hard.  You know the first morning will be brutal, but if you can make it three mornings it will become a habit.

5 a.m. the next morning, the alarm goes off, you hit it and go right back to bed.  You can workout after work, it will be fine.  5 p.m. rolls around, it's time.  You just hop in your car and go home, the mo is gone.

Workout buddies surely get the job done.  When Ray was around I never missed a workout.  We put together 2.5 good years of training.  But what happened when Ray wasn't around?  I haven't put together three consistent weeks of workouts since 2012.

Motivational speeches?  Try following "Coach Quotes" on twitter, read through some tweets at lunch, at the end of the day try to recall them.  How'd it go?

The internally motivated man can climb to the top of the mountain, spend a year training in absolute isolation, and climb down more powerful than could ever be imagined.  I always fantasized that I was a member of this group.  It gave me a sense of superiority, it made me feel good about myself.  Plucked from my community and given an "isolation tank", I am forced to acknowledge that I am an externally motivated individual.

For those of us who are externally motivated, we live and die with our community.  Our community defines our top three priorities.  Pull us out of our community and our top three will experience a total overhaul.  

If the game falls out of your top three, you disrespect the game. If you disrespect the game, the game disrespects you.  The frisbee gods are a wrathful and hateful group, they have no patience for being disrespected.