2012

This is a brother post to Yngve's: http://yngfu.blogspot.com/2015/09/2012.html

Monday

Sid and I head over to Kennedy’s to do a google hangout with Walden so that we can game plan for regionals.  Sid hasn’t played all season; I ask him if he is going to go for regionals.  He tells us that in his four years at Illinois he has never felt so confident that the team would make Nationals; he tells us the team can do it without him.  I feel good.

Saturday

The tournament is double elimination bracket.  My mind is already on the semi with Michigan.

We come out against Southern Illinois.  We spend most of the second half cramming it down the cram side.  That year we thought it was hysterical to cram it down the cram side, most of us could explain why it was a bad strategy but we thought it was just so funny that we liked to do it.  From the sidelines we would yell to get it off the sideline, then as soon as we’d get playtime we’d be tunnel vision down the line.  Game point was long and annoying.  I get the disc on the sideline, everyone floods to the sideline for the continue pass, out of frustration I look them all off and stare at the centering pass.  Gibby is there and he runs upline, I can’t believe it.  I wait staring at the breakside until probably stall 8 when finally Heff decides to run over there.  Couple of continues down the breakside later and we score no problem.

Eastern Illinois: the game before Michigan.  We’re losing 4-0 before we know what’s happening.  I’m thinking that our comeback is inevitable.  At some point during the game Sidrys asks me to tell Dane to stop dumping the disc like an idiot.  I don’t think its Dane’s fault; I think Kennedy is hosing him with the dump cuts.  I try to talk to Kennedy, he isn’t interested and he’s really peeved.  I still think we will make the comeback.  When the horn blows for soft cap I still think we’re going to win.  When Schwenk completes the game winning pass, I’m stunned.  No Michigan today.

Dane asks to be taken off the OLine.  I’m mad at him.  I think he’s giving up on the team and I wonder where his sense of pride is.  Walden talks me down, tells me to think about how Dane feels.  Consider feeling like you can’t complete any passes and that you’re killing the team.  I tell Walden I don’t think its Dane’s fault and that Kennedy needs to fix his cuts.  Maybe, but we can’t bench Kennedy it’s his team and he is our alpha.

I touch knuckles with Neal.  It felt good. 

I briefly chat with Roush; I congratulate him on his team’s victory.  He tells it isn’t over yet, we can still make Nationals.  I tell him that if any team can fight through the backdoor bracket, it’s us.

As I write this today I think we’ve lost 10-9 or something.  Score reporter says it was 13-10.  We got whupped.

We play Illinois State.  I am on the OLine for Dane now.  The game feels routine.  They tried a zone on us, it didn’t work.  Kennedy balls.  We win 15-7.

We play Purdue, they have no answer to Kennedy.  We win 15-10.  I am happy today is over.  I am ready to go home.

Sunday

We wake up to play Indiana.  Kennedy plays like a mad man.  The game is easy, make an incut and give it back to Kennedy, repeat.  We win 15-7.  It feels good; we’re starting to feel like the team we think we are.

We play Eastern Illinois.  We win 15-2.  A lot of ‘12ers will point to this as proof that we were the much better team.  Eastern Illinois had less than 10 players.  They were tired.  In the game that was full strength v. full strength we straight up lost.

Michigan State had just lost to Michigan in the final.  For the first time in my career I didn’t play Michigan at all during the season, feels bad.  If you want to be King of the Lakes, I think you have to go through Michigan otherwise you’re just pretending.

Things are working well against Michigan State.  Krieger and Wego are playing well.  Kennedy looks unstoppable.  I score a couple of times.  Half its 8-5, we’re only up two breaks and we know it isn’t enough.  We get two more right out of halftime, its 10-5, feels great.

MSU starts making a push.  They are a good team, obviously they make a push.  They use a four man cup; it puts the pressure on Kennedy.  At times it feels like it is Kennedy v. all of Michigan State.  I times I wonder if we are too much dead weight for him.

My mom pulls me to the side.  She tells me that the team is losing confidence and that we need to get our heads right.  I tell her I need to focus and brush her aside.

I don’t know the score but it’s a big point.  We had just been broken.  We’re going upwind.  I have the disc a few yards outside the endzone.  It’s a stopped disc.  I get to make eye contact with Crayon.  I’m thinking I can get the backhand invert for a goal to Crayon.  Disc gets tapped in, I step hard for the invert, Crayon goes forceside, I still think I can get it to him, Aaron Zeigler gets a layout D, Kennedy is right there open on an upline.  This is the moment that sticks for me.  This is the one I wish I could have back.  Why didn’t Crayon go breakside?  Why do I feel the need to blame Crayon?  Why didn’t I just find Kennedy?  Why didn’t I use my alpha?  We get broken.

It’s universe point.  Dane gets a massive layout D on the first in cut.  Kennedy picks up and hits Dane all alone in the endzone.  Dane drops it.  There are a lot of people watching this game, the ensuing “ohhhh” is loud and long.  It rattles my cage.  We get another D, this time we have to go the whole field.  Kennedy throws a million passes and gets us all the way to the goalline.  He finds Krieger in the endzone.  Krieger has caught this pass a hundred times.  He drops it.  Hoch picks up and fires.  The way I remember it he threw it from inside the endzone.  It goes all the way.  We lose 14-13.  Feels bad.

I remember Neal with his hands on his head.  I remember Hidaka holding Wego.  I remember Krieger walking back from chasing down the huck.

We go sit as a team off to the side.  The reason these huddles are so difficult is because no one prepares to lose.  We spent all season trying to prepare to make a push for quarters at Nationals, and we had just gotten third at regionals.  No one knows what to say.  Sid says that the things in life that bring you the most joy can also bring you the most pain.

I think about how I could have lifted more, ran more, and thrown more.  I think about how I could have given more on each rep that I did do.  I think about how I could’ve been a better friend to everyone on that 2012 squad.

On the car ride home Krieger starts to rationalize.  Neal wasn’t able to go to Nationals, how well would we have actually done?  It’s a legit question.

Kennedy texts the group me, “Does anyone want to hang out? I don’t care what we do I just don’t want to be alone.”

Walden asks me when the blogpost is going to go up about the weekend.  He tells me I have to write about the good and the bad.  I sit down to write it.  I come up with one word.  “Shit.”  I delete it and never blog about that day on the Illinois blog.  Instead I email the freshmen:

“Your legacy of helping this team rebound is what you will be remembered by.”

I hit send and go meet up with Kennedy at Firehaus.