Respect

It’s week 9 of a 10 week course on auditing.  Class was cancelled this week because the professor put the lecture online as a podcast; however we were going to meet anyway to work on a group project.  There are only 6 people in the class, and the professor put all 6 of us into one group. 

So we get to the classroom, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 people show up, then a 7^th walks in.  This is a very small class; it’s pretty obvious that this 7^th person hasn’t been to class once in the past 9 weeks.  That’s fine, show up for the project show up for the final, it’s a classic strategy no big deal.  We get to talking about the project and this kid, who hasn’t been to class all quarter, just starts spewing.  Words are literally vomiting out of his mouth. 

I’m in shock; I can barely handle this guy.  Is this a joke?  Where are the hidden cameras?  How can you not show up for 9 weeks, and then just shove yourself into the center of attention?  Is he trying to make up for lost time?  Does he feel bad for never being around or does he just lack any semblance of self-awareness?

Ultimate has given me a lot of experience with similarly unaware of themselves people, teammates and leaders who just barge in start stomping around and making a mess.  I think this is an issue of respect.

Respect is earned not given:

The extent of this cliché is overwhelming.  I would estimate that every American has heard this phrase a minimum of 100 times.  This makes the extent at which we botch this cliché infuriating.

I believe respect needs to be earned before you start throwing your weight around.  This will be difficult for those who have been told that their opinions matter to stomach, but your opinion doesn’t matter until you’ve earned the respect of those around you.

So how do we earn respect?

Respect has nothing to do with your title, it has nothing to do with your age, and it has no correlation with your ability on the field.  My formula for respect is:

(Show up + Try)∆Time = Respect Earned

College:

I was the captain of Illinois in 2012.  Look at my story and it looks like my “rise to power” was nothing more than luck.  I agree, but I did control what I was capable of controlling and I believe if other’s do what I did you can manufacture the same luck I had. 

As a freshman I missed practices, like most freshmen.

As a sophomore I decided I wanted to be B team captain, so I went to every practice in the fall.  I missed a tournament that fall, but I was around every practice.  I wanted to be a “lead by example” captain of the B team, and my work to get there accidentally landed me on the A team. 

The oline cutters that year were Phenom, Hidaka, Sul, and Wego.  All four of them were injury prone and would have to sit out practices all the time.  Although I never got the playtime at tournaments, I was able to grab every rep that I wanted during practice because these guys were always sitting out.  Every time I played at practice it was easier for the rest of the team to look at me as a contributor.  Projecting me as a future starter made sense because I was always active during practice.

Junior year it was between me and another guy for the last oline spot.  I got it because I played during practices, and he had one of those special bodies that are only able to play during tournaments. 

Senior year I ran unopposed as captain, because the only other person that was a reasonable candidate, Papi, graduated early and went to grad school at Stanford.  I never threw my weight around before senior year.  I waited until this point before having an opinion, because prior to this no one cared what I had to say.

Yes there is a lot of luck involved here.  It was lucky that the only injury I ever had I was able to play through, it was lucky that everyone above me on the depth chart was injury prone and I was able to get good exposure, it was lucky that Papi graduated early.  However, I showed up.  I ran during every practice, how come no one else did that?

Coaching:

Much like in college I think the biggest step for me was to just show up.  I had no reason to go to a NUT practice other than an email.  I had no friends on NUT, the commute was not particularly convenient, and the job itself wasn’t very enticing.  I showed up because I felt like showing up.

The first year I got to be Chuck’s assistant.  I didn’t make a lot of noise at practice, I didn’t argue, I didn’t get offended when what few thoughts I threw out were ignored.  I listened, built relationships, and worked hard to learn.  Also, I showed up.

In my second year I was able to solidify myself in the NUT culture, by showing up all the time.  I missed only a few practices because of work and school.  Was I lucky that Chuck moved to Milwaukee? Sure.  But I still showed up.

In my third year I am now having a much bigger voice than I ever did before.  In my first two years I would always take a step back behind the Chuck/the Captains.  In this year I stepped forward and have taken more ownership over the structure of practices and the season, not because I decided to just walk in and start flinging my thoughts around but because the team looked at me to do so.  I had the respect and confidence of the team, which I earned over time.

People other than me:

Ultimate is very receptive to effort.  Anyone who shows up and puts in the work during practice is going to rise astronomically fast.  I think the list of people who shut up and put the work in before flinging around feces of opinions is overwhelmingly long, I’ve tried to summarize a few below.

Walden Nelson (Illinois ’10): Said pretty much nothing until his fifth year of college, was captain of Illinois and Machine.

Colin Reid (Illinois ’13): Said nothing until he was a junior, became captain.

Jack Rabuck (Illinois ’12):  Lost 100 pounds and shaved 3 seconds off of his 40 before telling people how to work out.

Austin Lien (Illinois ’11):  Never publicly argued or forced his ideas anywhere, Illinois captain and Drag’N Thrust captain, has won a world championship.

Yiding Hou (NUT ’15):  Has never spoken for more than 15 seconds, garners the most respect on the team.

Edward BK Speyer (NUT ’17):  Said very little as a freshman and sophomore, captain of NUT.

Ben Spielman (NUT ’17):  Says nothing, is the idol of everyone on NUT.

Jeremy Piech (NUT ’17):  Jeremy has missed zero practices as a freshman and as a sophomore with NUT, and he has completed every single one of them.  He has never complained or made a scene inside or outside of practice.  He does what we ask him to do, and he works on what he wants to work on outside of practice.  Thanks to some poorly timed injuries to Champe and Yiding, Jeremy got his big break to shine at practices and at Florida warm-up.  At this point if Jeremy wants to pull me aside and yell at me, I’d listen to him.  He has my respect and I am sure he will get the respect of the rest of the team in due time.  If Jeremy does have opinions he wants to throw around he went about it in a textbook way of earning the right to throw his weight around before doing so.

The Weakness:

The weakness of this blog post is that the people in this world who throw their weight around before earning it are often so unaware of themselves that they will have no idea they are doing it.  They will be utterly oblivious and offended by these thoughts.  The ears that I most wish these thoughts could fall onto are often made of tin and incapable of recognizing that they are pointed directly at them.